Last night’s events have led me to ask a lot of “why” questions:
WHY did I ride in a limo to trashy dollar drink nights ?
WHY did I make out with more lesbians than dudes ?
WHY did he wear those stupid boots ?
(more importantly) WHY did he leave the tag on them ?
WHY did I do so many peppermint schnapps shots ?
WHY did she give me a lapdance in the limo ?
WHY did I think a late night bar was a good idea ?
WHY did I pit previous hookup and potential hookup against each other ?
WHY did my flight reflex kick in moments before possible bathroom hookup ?
WHY did I think late night food was a good idea ?
WHY did I watch so much of Norbit before turning it off ?
WHY did that ginger on the train this morning get “LIFE” and “PAIN” knuck-tats ?
WHY are we here on this earth ??????????
Answer: Because I’M AWKWARD
Peace(love.awkers.respect)4LyfePartners
-Awkie Nites
I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my life. Still the taste of unfiltered camels remind me of that first boy. He looked like a Tom of Finland drawing crossed with a bike kid. Haha, kind of biker meets biker. So in the spirit of nostalgia, here’s a look back at some of my most awkward nights of all time…
The first blowjob I ever gave was to one of my best friends. He was so drunk that he didn’t remember it happening the next day. I chose to pretend it didn’t happen. To this day I’m not sure if he knows. Recently he said, “I’m surprised we never ended up hooking up considering how drunk we used to get.”
I’ve only met the second guy I slept with twice. Once at a Rupaul underwear concert during Pride. I was wearing blue sparkly manties and made out with him briefly. The second time was about a year later. I woke up in the bed next to him after having blacked out at the bar the night before. I still don’t know his first name.
Meeting someone new when you thought you knew your entire city: refreshing.
That person trying to force their way onto you in their shitty car: scary.
That same person getting fired a month later for doing the same thing to a coworker: priceless.
I saw them strip at a bar. Then happened upon them on the dance floor at a different place later that night. They were already shirtless. They took off my shirt as I approached. I was embarrassed. They were clearly in better shape. Oh well, seems like I passed the test considering the frankness of their hands and lips.
“We’re going back to my place to watch my porn. You coming?”
Oh, did you just get a new vid or something?
“No, MY porn. My debut scene.”
Marinate on that Awkers.
-Awkie Nites
Well it seems someone is reading this drivel! Believe it or not I’ve had multiple requests to get back at the keyboard and spill my guts. Fine by me!
Awkers, I completely forgot to tell you about my recent trip to my most favorite goth/industrial/dive bar! Every time I go, without fail, I see new mutations of gothitude I hadn’t previously thought possible. Some examples? Yes please.
Goth Cowboy , Goth Geisha (Gothsha?), Mod Goth, Sailor [Moon] Goth, [Mad] Scientist Goth, Raver Goth (Graver?), ETC, ETC
I appreciate the goth movement’s ability to shapeshift through the years and keep itself… relevant. Feel free to request future shades of goth in the comments section. I have some ideas myself…
Michael Jackson Goth (in Current, Early Years, and Zombie flavors), Goth Deer Hunter, Office Goth, Goth on Family Vacation Forced to Wear Waterpark’s Oversized Promotional Tshirt Goth, Courtney Love.
Show some love (and/or hate) in the comments, Awkers!
-Peace! (Love.Unity.Respect.), Awkward Nights
